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Friday, May 25, 2012

Dax Flame: A COMPLETE COMPENDIUM OF ALL THINGS DAX FLAME- an utterly complete history of Dax Flame from Dax Flame beginning to Dax Flame end RE-beginning (everything you wanted to know about Dax Flame but were too shy to ask...or maybe you knew this stuff and forgot it?...or maybe you know this stuff but wanted to hear it again because you really love Dax Flame??)

Adrien Brody "BRODYQUEST" gif (just because)

Well, hello again true believers, i'm back again... please tell a friend.   I had a rough couple of weeks or so there.  I let the turd-slurpers of this world get me down...  I let my jimmies get rustled...

Artie Lange throwing things on Howard Stern gif by an unknown genius (Artie let's his jimmies get rustled )

Well, kids...NOW...on with our story.  The story of a great and heroic figure of the internets...DAX FLAME.

The Story of Dax Flame (the early years)

"I tell people to call me Dax Flame, because it's kind of cool."
The date is December 6, 2006.  Dax introduces himself to us in his first ever video aptly titled My First Video Diary, and tells us his name is Bernice Juach III.  He says he doesn't like to be called "Bernice" because "it's kinda girly."  Who can blame him?  "I tell people to call me Dax Flame, because it's kind of cool," says "Bernice."  It sure is.  Dax posts the video in the category: News & Politics and labels the video with the tags:  video , human , cool, very handsome.

"Good morning," Dax Flame.

 In Dax Flame's second video, Dax plots to "earn the gift of friendship" from his classmate "Jacob."
SEE:  Second Blog Entry: I will befriend Jacob  By Dax's third video the infamous pee fight video, we are already seeing the emergence of "the Dax Flame formula" for youtube vlogging.  Sort of like "the Rocky formula" in many of the Rocky movies where Rocky would lose a fight at the beginning of one of the Rocky movies, then make a big comeback and have a huge victory at the end of the film... The Dax Flame formula seems to work in reverse.  Dax will get excited about an opportunity to finally attain some measure of happiness, only to have something silly happen which will cause his hopes and dreams to be dashed, and ultimately crushed.

Dax Flame in optimistic times...
Dax's spirits are often raised...

Dax Flame:  Third Video Diary Entry: I blew it!

Dax Flame "I blew it!" gif

Dax Flame

...only for his hopes and dreams to be crushed time and time again.

To make matters more complicated, Dax falls in love with a girl named Sophia.

Dax Flame falls in love with Sophia, which makes matters more complicated

Well, the whole story of Dax Flame, Jacob, and Sophia was a very sordid tale.  Luckily the video below helps sum up things...somewhat...

Dax Flame: The COOL MOVES Era

Dax Flame during the so-called "COOL MOVES" ERA (so-called by me)
Some of the most important videos uploaded by Dax Flame are his "COOL MOVES" videos in which Dax basically gives us lessons in his version of Kung Fu...  or, "Dax Fu" if you will.

Dax Flame in his first "COOL MOVES" youtube video

Dax Flame in "Cool Moves: The Mother's Day Movie"

I believe there are three Dax Flame COOL MOVES videos Daxflame's Second Motion Picture: Cool Moves, Cool Moves 2: The tutorial and also the sequel to Cool Moves, and Cool Moves: the Mother's Day movie.  They are all extremely outstanding.

Dax Flame Fashion

Dax Flame's unbelievably awesome fashion sense
Every generation has it's pop icon figures who are tremendously influential in the field of fashion and style.  In the 60's, Beatlemania and the moptop hairstyle of John, Paul, George, and Ringo made it's impact, for example.  Whether it be in the 70's with John Travolta and his white three piece disco suit...Madonna and Michael Jackson in the 80's...or the current day fashion trend setter Lady Gaga...  Dax Flame has the potential to be an icon in this considerably important area of our pop culture.

Raging Dax:  "The Slap" and the Fury of Dax Flame

Dax Flame is assaulted on camera?
So, it came to pass that during the taping of the first ever episode of "The Dax News" in a Dax Flame video titled First guest appearance, ruins your prevelages(He is a IDIOT), Dax is slapped across the face by his fed up cousin "Alec." "Another idiot besides my mom in my family," says Dax (referring to "Alec"), and all the inquisitive types at youtube are slowing the video down like it's the Zapruder film, to try to find evidence of whether or not Dax was truly smacked across the face, or whether a hoax was being perpetrated.

In coming videos, Dax Flame would be prone to a few Eric Cartman like rages...

Dax Flame in I Pushed my Grandmother into the Pool

Dax Flame in Freaking Event DUMB!

Dax Flame's Chair

Dax Flame in Daxflame Torture chamber!
Dax Flame's chair is a co-star of many of his videos, and inspired perhaps the most ingenious Daxflame response video of all time, presented by Lord Picklejar the grand archduke of Hell in the service of Satan...

TAPE FACE, GreenTeaGurlie, and feud with Lisa Nova

Dax Flame in "TAPE FACE"

Thankfully, despite all this turmoil, Dax Flame continues making videos,...and catapults himself to new heights of fame with his video "TAPE FACE."

Dax's new found super fame (SEE: My T.V. Appearance, Not as Happy as it sounds ) results in him getting a "hot robot girlfriend" named GreenTeaGurlie...who seems to disappear from Dax's life as quickly as she came into it.

Dax then gets into a feud with youtube star Lisa Nova, but the feud quickly turns into a friendship, as the two  
enter into several creative collaborations that enrich everyone's lives.

In the following collaboration with Lisa Nova, Smosh, and Tony "the winekone", Dax Flame vies for the attention of Lisa Nova "the love of his life."  Well, I won't spoil the ending...

Dax Flame's True Identity (he is not a bad person)

Dax Flame in My Real Name is not Bernice Juach

As Dax's fame grows, some inquisitive youtubers manage to pin down his true identity...and Dax Flame has a lot of explaining to do.  He reveals he lied about his name being "Bernice Juach" and asks his fans for forgiveness.

"Forgiving and Understanding will bring magic to your life and you will LOVE it! If you fail to practice forgiveness you will fail to remian alive."

Despite being lied to and a myriad of other controversies involving Dax, Dax Flame's fans remain loyal, and know in their hearts he is not a bad person...

Dax Flame Evolves into the Mature Superstar He is Today

Dax Flame with the cast of "Project X"

But the Dax Flame story does not end there.  He has today emerged as a star of major blockbuster feature films, such as "Project X", and "21 Jump Street", as well as being an aspiring film maker, and a competent spokesman for his generation. 

And so that will end another excellent day here at Funguzz Vizzion. This is Jimmy Fungus signing off.

Once again... God bless you, and please remember to support your local zoo.

Stay classy, Chicago.


  1. He may be an attention-seeking hoaxer, but I have to admit he's got a great face for the movies. Not a leading man's face, of course, but definitely the leading man's goofy sidekick who possibly has a thing for the leading lady's less cute girlfriend.

    1. Well, as Frank Sinatra once said, "Either you can open for me at the Meadowlands...or headline at the Tick Tock Inn." Whatever that means...

  2. I really hope Dax doesn't see these posts sometimes. But it is good to know the history of one of Youtubes best, and most snappily dressed, youtubers.

    1. There is no bigger Dax Flame on the planet than me... I certainly hope Dax would not be displeased by this post. I think I am going to seek out one of the biggest Dax Flame fans I know of to get their opinion...

    2. I meant "there is no bigger Dax Flame fan"*

  3. You gotta learn to not let the turd-slurpers of the world rustle your jimmies! There will always be turd-slurpers, but you must learn to egnore them!

    Thanks for all the Dax Flame info, it really summed him up quite well! I think if Dax himself saw it he would approve!

    Keep on Jimmying in the Free World!

    1. Thanks, Bersercules! Your comment makes me want to live again. Hopefully this is the dawn in a new era of jimmying.

  4. I totally forgot about both Dax Flame and Brodyquest. Of all the trolls/funny people on the internet I always found Christian Weston Chandler to be the most entertaining, but Dax Flame was fun to watch for a while. Nice article/summary of him, it should be put into the archives.

    1. I think of Dax more as a comedic genius than a troll... (but I will have to look into this Weston Chandler guy).

  5. Where did Dax Flame go I agree he was comic genius.
    Loved the Artie Lange gif...

  6. I am sorry you had a rough couple of weeks. It seems that's going around. Including an Artie Lange gif, are you trying to tell us something? Didn't he attempt to end his life a couple of years ago?

    I am more confused that ever. So, what is his real name? Is he the leader of the New World order? Is he really 'special'?

    1. You are reading too much into the Artie Lange gif. His real name is Madison Patrello. Dax is special, but not in the way you are meaning. And there is no New World Order...only chaos.

    2. Another night in which I am unable to sleep, but you just made it special. I am going to spend it finding out more about Dax.

  7. Yay! I was looking foreward to your next post, and finally it arrived! Not that I haven't been a bit slack myself -cough-

    This guy reminds me of my next door neighbour when he drinks a bit too much. The resemblance is remarkable..

    1. Well, I know Dax doesn't live in Australia. Maybe it's his long lost cousin.

  8. Oh no, Artie Lange hit the dude!

    You have turned me into a Dax Flame lover, so mission accomplished! I didn't really find him that funny to start with, but he's a grower!

  9. Thank you so much for finally expanding my knowledge of Dax Flame!! He's just so awesome! I got to do some research of this Sophia chick to see if I'm his "type" at all.

    I mean, how awesome would Jax and Dax be :) Oui, Oui!

    Hope you're having a lovely weekend!!

    1. Dax likes a girl who "understands comedy." So you certainly qualify.

  10. ...
    Who is Dax Flame again?

  11. Oh Dax Flame. I had almost forgotten about him...

  12. I love DaxFlame.. He has been making me laugh for years! I'm so happy for him!!




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