Friday, September 7, 2012

Tasmanian Devils Are Being Less Devilish (Tasmanian devils becoming kinder and gentler to survive as a species); ALSO, I extrapolate on "Fung Fu", and exactly what it is (but honey badger doesn't care)


Perhaps you have read my headline Tasmanian Devils Are Being Less Devilish (Tasmanian devils are becoming kinder and gentler in an effort to survive as a species), and you said to yourself, "Hmmmm.  What that's all about?"  Well,  even if you didn't, I am just going to assume that's what has happened, and get on with our story.  It appears Tasmanian devils are learning a lesson that perhaps, we humans need to re-learn.  They are becoming less aggressive, for otherwise there might not be Tasmanian devils anymore.  SEE: Gentler Tasmanian devils offer hope for species’ future   It seems that these once very ferocious beasts have been afflicted with cancerous tumors on their beautiful faces.  This sucks for them in general, but especially for the more alpha devils who like to bite their fellow devils on the face, but which spreads the cancer to THEM faster, leaving, more of the gentler, more passive devils around then the badass devils.  Anyway, you don't have to be Bill  Nye the Science Guy to figure out what I am getting at here.

What if something similar happened with regards to us humans?  For example, what if every time some miscreant took out a semi-automatic rifle, and shot some of their poor innocent fellow humans, the victim humans unleashed these hideous, grotesque farts, much like the honey badger (more on this in a bit), which would melt the gun wielding madman's face off?  Or if at least, we were like Cheech and Chong in "The Corsican Brothers", and when we hurt one of our dear brothers or sisters, we would actually feel the pain, that we had attempted to inflict...




Yes, dear friends, think how swiftly our world would shape up, if every one of us, were forced to walk a mile or two in our brother, or sisters' moccasins. But I digress.   The honey badger has many more weapons at it's disposal, than it's devastating super farts.  Just ask, Gorilla Bananas at http://japingape.blogspot.com who actually suggested  I watch this video The Crazy Nastyass Honey Badger (original narration by Randall). Ahhh, what the hell, I will just post that video for you as well...




So, as fate would have it, Gorilla Bananas of http://japingape.blogspot.com suggested that I heartily dedicate myself to publicizing the honey badger and what a badass it is.  Maybe he was joking, but I took him literally.  Soooo  here we are...


Photobucket
the honey badger doesn't care gif (created by an unknown genius)

the honey badger doesn't give a shit (found on the internets)


Ok, so many of you have read this much, and you are saying,  "Yeah?  So what?  Who cares?"  Which leads me to a deeper explanation of Fung Fu (the Jimmy Fungus version of Kung Fu) which I invented with help from Jax and Bersercules in this article here Decision 2012: The U.S. Presidential Election (Obama is ahead at the moment, so expect the GOP to trot out the "Hitler is Obama's father" stuff); THEN some brief thoughts on "The Hunger Games", ALSO Jax and Bersercules inspire me to invent Fung Fu, PLUS Suzi Quatro and Joan Jett.







Which leads us to our Song of the Day...


Try A Little Kindness by Glen Campbell on Grooveshark


Thank you for reading. Once again God bless you, and please remember to support your local zoo.

Stay classy, Chicago!

9 comments:

  1. Honey badgers are just evil. They really don't give a damn. It would be kind of weird, but also cool, if there was some kind of immediate really bad repercussion like that with humanity. Maybe some kind of face melting acid, which also helps against the zombies. As soon as a zombie bites someone, they become dissolved, and we get to live. As a species, not that poor person who got bitten.

    Also YAY PONIES!

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    1. It's a good idea, Mark. Perhaps, if humanity fails, either ponies or the Care Bears can take over for us, and not those damn honey badgers.

      Delete
  2. To make the species gentler you've got to stop the aggressive ones from breeding, so zapping the testicles would work better than zapping the face. But women are also to blame for being attracted to the bad boys. "Stop sleeping with hoodlums, you stupid whore!" might be a good slogan for your campaign.

    Good job on the honey badger. It takes us one step closer to the glorious day when "Eat the shit of a honey badger" is a recognised insult.

    Fung Fu is a great philosophy, but people are going to be disappointed it doesn't involve flying kicks. 'Pu' is another good word, which means "naturalness" in Taoist philosophy. We gorillas follow the way of the Hairy Pu.

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    1. Gorilla Bananas, it will take a few million more years of evolution before women stop doing that. By then the human race will be extinct, and honey badgers will rule the world.

      Delete
  3. The honey badger hahahhahaha He's almost as bad ass as you.. ;)

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  4. Fung Fu leads a great school of thought. People should teach it in dojos.

    Also, I AM A BIG FAN OF THE HONEY BADGER.

    Such a big fan that I got matching "Honey Badger don't care!" t shirts for my best friend and I. I love wearing it when I work out at the gym. It's the best.

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    Replies
    1. I wonder if the honey badger gets royalty checks for all this stuff.

      Delete
  5. wolverine will knock off honey badger easily.grizzly bears run from them.

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