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Thursday, November 8, 2012

Advice for Obama's Enemies: Cheer up, goofballs!

Shepard Smith gif
Ok. kids...let me start by saying a little something about the title of this article: "Advice for Obama's Enemies: Cheer up, goofballs!"  I am not calling everyone who supported Romney a goofball.  But just bear with me here, and I think once I am finished, you will certainly feel that I was more than justified in using the word "goofball" to describe some of the people I will be discussing in this article.

I think this is surely one of the bigger stories of the day, concerning how there are so many on the Republican side of the aisle who just can not seem to get GET OVER IT (actually I think Shepard Smith is saying "GET OFF IT!" in this gif, but just play along and pretend he is saying "GET OVER IT!"), and accept their election defeat.  This kind of perplexes me, as my personal choice for the presidency Independent presidential candidate Abraham Fungus Jr. was crushed, and my reaction was more like,  "Ehhh, whatever."  But these Republicans, they are so decimated, they are so utterly destroyed about the loss,  that there was even enough of this material for someone to make an entire tumblr about it.  (SEE: Republican Tears)  I was already on top of the story before I even found out about that, but I was not quite aware of just how out of control this grief over Obama's victory actually was. 

Ok, I promised to bring you some goofballs, so let's get going with that part of our story, shall we?

This Donald Trump guy...  he is a real goof nugget isn't he?  I mean, look at these insane tweets he was making as the election was unfolding...

Donald Trump's election day tweets

Apparently this is the first time his entire life, Donald Trump has ever actually watched election coverage, instead of the old Tony Curtis movie playing on channel 9 as the only alternative to the news.  During an election, as the returns come in, it often happens that the eventual loser will at some point of the evening have a huge lead (because ALL the votes haven't been counted yet).  So, this is what happened on election night, as Romney had a popular vote lead early on, because the returns in many of the red states where he had the largest support were coming in first.  Poor Donald apparently didn't have a clue this was what was happening, and thought Romney was winning the popular vote, but somehow losing the election because of the electoral college.  So, Trump does what any rational member of the business community would do, and calls for a revolution and overthrow of the government.

cute cat with "invisible bow and arrow"

Technically, to publicly call for a literal overthrow of the federal government is treason, but since Trump's plan was probably to march on Washington along side an army of cats with invisible bows and arrows, the powers that be will probably let it slide this time, on account of temporary (or perhaps lingering) insanity.

Elmo on the potty gif

But, wait!  It gets better!  Oh my goodness, this Glenn Beck guy is something else.  Sorry, he just is.  In my blog I try to be nice, and say nice things about people 99.9% of the time...  but this Glenn Beck guy..  he is more than out to lunch.  WHOA!  He is out there in outer space.

Glenn was also calling for revolution, so "the Donald", get your army of cats with invisible bows and arrows ready, because shit just got real!

In the video Glenn Beck's Post-Election Plan, Beck briefly treats us to his Kermit the Frog impersonation, than advises people to "get grandfathered in to the second amendment" and "don't forget the ammunition"  (which is, of course, code for telling them to stockpile an arsenal of weapons).

Glenn Beck doing his Chicken Little routine.  It's hard to understand how a guy with such great fashion sense could say such horrible stuff, but he does.
In this video below,  Beck makes the startling revelation to his followers that the reason his election predictions were so f*cked up, is because he is actually a human, although a SUPER IMPORTANT one (not some poor slob Joe Bagadonuts like us), but still, a human, so he screwed up just this once, I guess.  He also says half of Americans are "utterly and completely lost in darkness", and of course, starts crying.

I really don't know what is the deal with Beck and Trump.  They are both filthy rich.  They are still gonna be filthy rich no matter what happens.  Just cheer up, and chill out guys.

But then there are lots of ordinary people out there, the Joe and Josephine Bagadonuts just like you and me, who are also, what shall we say... not taking Obama's victory very well.  For example, there is this one lady who's anti-Obama rant has gone viral.  Her name evidently is "Shelly", but a lot of people are referring to her as "the terrifying woman", because  I mean she really flipped out...really went berserk...  Let's just say, once the election results became abundantly clear, the cheese slid clear off her cracker.  She posted this video Obama Was Re-Elected - I'm pissed - This ain't pretty. NSFW!!! (Or civilized humans.) on youtube, and let her feelings be known.  I can't post it here because it is laced with profanity, and besides Shelly disabled embedding.  But what I can post is the response video I made at my very own channel...

Then there is the case of disappointed Romney supporter "DanaPatAlan."  I am not calling him a "goofball."  He seems like a fairly decent guy... just having very, very disappointed reaction to Obama's victory, as you can see in the video below.

And now...

Presenting and Introducing"The Jimmy Fungus Institute for Advanced Studies (and Also For Learning)"

presenting "The Jimmy Fungus Institute for Advanced Studies (and Also For Learning"")

 Apparently, there is one man in America like me, who is a virtual expert at losing, and takes it quite well.  That man is former Independent presidential candidate Abraham Fungus Jr., who instead of crying in the beer of his defeat, is instead doing some good for society, and helping me establish "The Jimmy Fungus Institute for Advanced Studies (and Also For Learning)." 

Well, I don't need to tell you anything else about it, because Abraham Fungus Jr.'s speech in the vid below explains everything, so check it out.

At least we were able to end up on a somewhat positive note, right?

Once again, thank you, and please remember to support your local zoo.

Stay classy, Chicago!


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