Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Miley Cyrus' MTV Video Music Awards Performance Causes Mass Panic (and some other stuff)

the "CALL THE COPS... I DON'T GIVE A FUCK" bear steals a dumpster

Usually, I would wait till Friday to post an entry on of this magnitude.  But, I don't care.  We have an emergency on our hands.  A real honest to God MOTHER FUGGIN' EMERGENCY!!

It seems that America's princess (who knows if she still holds that title?) Miley Cyrus has given half the nation heart attacks, and the other half boners, with her unbelievably insane performance at the MTV VMAs.  Who better to explain to us what the hell is going on than my End Times commentator Wilford Fungus?  Wait.  Before you answer that question watch the video below...

There are also 2 other videos at my youtube channel on this situation that I am sure you will find highly informative:  Miley Cyrus 2013 MTV VMA performance (REMIXED) and Miley Cyrus MTV VMAs 2013 (AUDIENCE REACTION CAM).  However, as Lord Throckmorton Fungusleaves would say,  "That is neither here, nor there."  Now back to the importance of this entry:

Ted, like most Americans, was at home watching the MTV VMAs with some friends

Like many of you, I suppose I had a rather predictable knee-jerk reaction to Miley's performance.  I felt a queasy mixture of shock and sadness, as I watched a once wholesome country girl kick it into overdrive on the highway to hell. 

"Surprised" Patrick Star watches Miley Cyrus' performance in horror

Sadness, because it seemed that someone who once had a unique opportunity to be an tremendous force for good, was going out of their way to be a force for...   not so good. 

Miley Cyrus and Darth Vader meme:  "JOIN ME AND TOGETHER WE WILL RULE THE GALAXY!"

But then, after really pondering this for the last couple days,  I realized what this evil genius Miley was really up to.  She is exposing our American pop culture for being the hypocritical facade that it is.  She is twerking her skinny butt in the face of every hyper judgmental media pundit,  every overly opinionated supposedly respectable member of society, who constantly nitpicks at anyone and everyone who might not have as big a megaphone as they do to defend themselves.

Miley Cyrus "You are really pissing Jesus off!" meme

Here is a country girl from a conservative background who grew up to become a billionaire.  She had every interest in maintaining the status quo, and protecting her respectable image at all cost.  Instead she is sending the message that she doesn't care what anybody thinks of her.  She will trash her image, and flush it down the toilet if she wants to.  And at the end of the day, maybe the fact that Miley Cyrus couldn't care less that she ain't perfect should make us all feel better that we ain't perfect either.

And there's a very good reason why her celebrity peers were all sitting there with their heads down, acting embarassed.  They weren't embarrassed for Miley, they were embarassed for themselves.  Because they knew deep down that Miley was doing exactly what they have been doing all this time, just less discreetly.   They have been pushing the envelope and breaking all the rules, making tons of money doing it during the week...  then rolling out of bed Sunday morning and going to church like their hands were clean.  Game over.  Miley just pushed the envelope as far as it'll go.  No one will top this.  To paraphrase Scotty on Star Trek,  "I pushed her as far as she'll go Cap'n!  I can't push her anymore!"


Either accidentally or on purpose,  Miley Cyrus' performance at the 2013 VMAs will be remembered as a completely revolutionary moment in American pop culture.  Nothing will ever be this shocking again.  It just won't be.  America's elite billionaire celebrity class has now become a parody of themselves.  So, where do we go from here?       It will be interesting to find out.

Dr. Who reaction face

Once again thank you, and please remember to support your local zoo.

Stay classy, Chicago!


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