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Friday, December 27, 2013

Justin Bieber Retiring and Another Miserable Christmas Comes and Goes

HELLO  YES   THIS IS DOG gif (via the internets)

Hello.  Yes, this is Jimmy Fungus...  and I have returned with yet another exciting blog post to titilate your senses and tantalize your brains.    Today as you are reading this, I have barely made it through another pitiful Christmas holiday season (which is not entirely over yet, I do admit this).

newly invented "SON I AM NOT DISAPPOINT...I AM DEVASTATE" meme

Ya know, actually, I am quite thankful for everything I have, so I am being a bit facetious as I speak to you in this rather melancholic mood today.  But that being as Lord Throckmorton Fungusleaves would say "neither here, nor there", let's put an end to my mindless chuntering and get on with this post...

Okay, so as you have probably have heard, Justin Bieber announced his retirement Christmas Eve on twitter,  an announcement which seems to be coinciding with the release of his "Believe" movie.

Reaction to this craziness is mixed, as Justin's many haters rejoice, and his many fans (needless to say) are in a more sullen mood about the whole thing.

In fact "sullen" is a massive understatement.  Many of Justin's beliebers are in fact...  DEVASTATED.

newly invented DON'T LET THEM SEE YOU CRY, OLD BOY Justin Bieber is retiring meme (ft. shibe doge)

unhappy doge
However, there is one thing I can state with unequivocal positivity, is that no one out there in the peanut gallery is wondering what I,  investigative reporter Jimmy Fungus, think about this burning social issue.  Whatevers! are.... my thoughts...
Giorgio Tsoukalos

Wow.  I have kind of been disturbed by the extraordinary level of hatred which has been heaped upon this Justin Bieber by the horrible anti-Rebecca Black media as of late.

It seems like this mass media machine bulids some of these stars up, simply for the fun of tearing them down...

And very few of your favorite pop stars are immune to this phenomenon...

newly invented Taylor Swift/ Bob's Burgers/ "You Belong With Me" gif

I even read an anti-Taylor Swift essay on tumblr the other day that was so replete with hatred and vitriol it could have been penned by Lucifer himself.  So, yeah....  maybe Justin thinks if he leaves show biz, and perhaps moves to a moose farm in Montana, it will dump some liquid ice on these fiery, hot flames of hate that have been pointed at him so friggin' heartlessly.  Quite frankly, there are plenty of evil people in the world much more deserving of this kind of disdain than Taylor Swift and the Biebs...  for example, there's Hitler, Charles Manson, Kim Jong Un, Chuck Woolery (just kidding, Chuck)... the list goes on and on...

confession bear actually kind of likes Justin Bieber (via the internets)

Uhhh...what else  did I want to say?  Oh yeah.  Of course there are other explanations for this unlikely turn of events.  This could be a big fat publicity stunt to help promote Bieber's new move "Believe."  Usually, when superstars say they are "retiring" what they really mean is they want some time off.  Such as when Michael Jordan retired, and then came back to win more championships.  Elton John announced his retirement in the late 70s...a retirement which only lasted about 6 months.  Similarly, Cat Stevens announced he was leaving the music business at the height of super stardom, and didn't return for decades (then under the name "Yusuf Islam").

Muhammad Ali announced his retirement in an interview with Howard Cosell, but that was far from being the last we heard from him...

float like a butterfly...  sting like the Biebs... the amazing reflexes of Muhammad Ali

So friends, what I am saying is... it's difficult for the average human in the streets to know what is going on here behind the scenes.  No one probably really knows other than Justin himself (and perhaps his manager Scooter Braun).  It could be a massive hoax to garner publicity.  Bieber may truly need a break from all the madness to "get his head together."

Or perhaps Justin Bieber is a space alien who has been summoned by his galactic overlords to return to his home planet...

newly invented ancient aliens expert Giorgio Tsoukalos meme

Just kidding, with that last snarky remark.  I wasn't taking a shot at Justin.  It was just an excuse to work Giorgio Tsoukalos  into this post again...

So, in doesn't really matter what I think about any of this, does it? It is matter for Justin, his family, friends... his manager Scooter Braun... whoever Justin sold his soul to, to become famous...  the evil corporations that make 900 gorillion dollars a minute off the Biebs...etc...and so forth... It is a matter that all of these different factions and entities will have to sit down and discuss amongst themselves, in order to do what is both proper and fair...  what is best for Justin...  and for his future.

Hopefully, when decisions are made, these different parties will take into account the thoughts and feeling of the beliebers.  Yeah, but...  I dono...

Once again, Thank you, and please remember to support your local zoo...

Stay classy, Chicago!


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