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Friday, March 28, 2014

The Internet Attacks "Nice Guys" and Adventure Time Attacks "Bronies" (ALSO: Grumpy Old Men and Frightened Bunnies)

Garbage Pail Kids fart gif

Hello again, true believers.  There is something rotten on the internets.  Yes.  Something stinks to high heaven and for once it's not me.

Usually, the only place I can turn to for any solace whatsoever, to escape the endless pain and misery which is my everyday life, IS The Internets.  But now I can not even count on that anymore.  I signed onto the internets the other day and felt like I had taken a wrong turn into a bad neighborhood where I was not welcome at all.


And who is behind this but none other than the cool and beautiful people.  THESE ARE THE PEOPLE THAT ARE NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE ON THE INTERNETS TO BEGIN WITH BECAUSE THEY HAVE LIVES!

Here...  Let me show you what I'm talking about.  Check this out:  Adventure time sums up the “nice guy” trope in a nutshell

Adventure Time evidently has subliminal messages attacking "nice guys" and bronies in their showgram

Now,  I thought the writers of Adventure Time were just poking fun at this particular character in this scene, but apparently there is an underlying deep meaning that I missed.  It appears some people think that Adventure Time is waging a secret subliminal propaganda campaign against not only "nice guys", but they also have dragged the "bronies" into this.  (I would especially like to hear what Mark of has to say about THAT!)

But it's not just happening on tumblr and the Cartoon Network,  but there is also a growing anti-"nice guy" movement at youtube.  Just watch this video by this whathisface vloggerr guy the1janitor  You're Probably Not Really a Nice Guy...or don't waste your time watching it, if you have better things to do, because I will just tell you about it...

the1janitor vs.  Cookie Monster

The1janitor posted this video some time ago actually, but since then it has gone viral, and has spread all over the internets like the bubonic plague.  It's a somewhat rambling commentary, but basically the gist of the1janitor's argument is that "nice guys" are only "nice" because they are filled with insecurity and self-doubt, and they are trying to bribe people to be nice back to them through their kind acts because that is the only hope their lame asses have of ever getting any friends.  So, they are not really "nice guys", they are a$$holes...  according to him.

I'll just leave this right here

But you know what really grinds my gears?   Not only do these cool folks have to to take a dump on "nice guys" (who always finish last anyway),  but they have to actually go through the trouble of turning it into an actual movement, creating videos and gifs, and spreading them around and making them go viral all across the interwebs.  I mean, seriously, do these people have nothing better to do with their damn time??  I mean COME ON!!

I tell ya what...   this really rustles my jimmies like they haven't been rustled in awhile.

NOBODY RUSTLES MY JIMMYCHANGAS  (this was sent to me by Alina at and created by an unknown genius)

Okay, enough about nice guys, let's talk about grumpy old men.  (If that wasn't a perfect segue I don't know what is.)

brand new Wilford Brimley meme: "YOU'VE JUST BEEN BRIMLEYED"

It's a long story, but somehow I stumbled upon an interview with legendary actor Klaus Kinski (who starred in the classic motion picture AGUIRRE, THE WRATH OF GOD).  So if you are a "nice guy" and want to learn how to stop doing that before you get rounded up and thrown in a concentration camp by this new movement, then you can see a perfect display of not being a nice guy in this video here:  Klaus Kinski Interview and Tantrum in the Park.

In fact, I even made this gif for you, if you are too busy to watch the video.  (It's about time someone made some Klaus Kinski gifs already, dontcha think?)

Klaus Kinski scares bunnies gif

But wait, it get's better!  Wilford Brimley is also going to give us a course in how to live the gangsta lifestyle with his big hit "Ice Ice Brimely" posted by Longarm0malley at youtube.  Play us out, Wilford!

Once again, thank you, and please remember support your local zoo...

bunny rabbit eating a leaf gif (via the internets)

Stay classy, Chicago!


  1. Dicky Dawkins once appeared in a documentary where he went to a sperm bank to find out what kind of donors women liked and you know what? - the most popular donor was a nice guy (that's what his profile implied anyway). So if you made a donation to a sperm bank, I think you'd end up fathering more children than the badass dudes who think they're the bomb. Speaking of which, do you remember the episode of South Park where Butters is fooled into thinking civilisation has been destroyed and he has to repopulate the Earth by having sex with a janitor lady?

    1. It seems that Butters gets himself into the most fantastic situations. I will find that episode and watch it, Gorilla.

    2. The episode is called 'Casa Bonita'.

  2. To be honest I can understand where the nice guy haters come off. But only to a point. Regardless of why you do it, a good deed is a good deed. A truly unselfish person is a very rare thing indeed. Sometimes, yes, people need a little motivation but it's not something to attack them for. The only nice guys I can't stand are the ones who are nice to girls in the hopes that one day, said girl will sleep with them. I try to do good for people, and I think I do a good job. Wanting a little recognition is not a bad thing. The world needs more nice people and not more attacking going on.

    As far as Adventure Time attacking bronies...well I don't really watch Adventure Time but it seems to me the shows have a similar audience. I've heard of their fans clashing before and I can't say I'm all that surprised. People just need to stop being dicks to eachother.

    1. Wow, Mark. You really brought some perspective to this issue.

    2. Can't 90% of the world's problems be solved by following the rule "don't be a dick"?

    3. Wow Michael. I think you just summed up the teachings of Christ, Buddha, Confucius etc. etc. etc. in 4 words!

  3. Those quotes from Bukowski and Russell were brilliant. I'm sharing that picture on Twitter.

  4. really dude? talk about losers.

  5. Oh my god. Jesus Christ. People hate on the 'Nice Guy' Act because it's used as an excuse to make men think they're entitled to a woman's body if they do nice things. It's a stupid mentality and we need to eliminate it. Yes, you can still be a nice person, and yes, women will more than likely still thank you and appreciate your good deeds, but turning that into this huge 'nice guys finish last' thing when a woman doesn't want to get in bed with you makes it seem like their friendship is some crappy consolation prize.
    If someone doesn't want to date you, then do NOT turn it around on them and make it seem like they're at fault for not being attracted to you. Why is this so hard to understand?




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