The new Batman movie "The Dark Knight Rises" directed by Christopher Nolan is not even out in theaters yet...but that has not stopped people from having very strong opinions about it. SEE: Rotten Tomatoes Suspends Comments on Dark Knight The well known movie review site rottentomatoes.com had to shut down user comments because so many anonymous internet thugs were making heinous, life-threatening comments against film critics who spoke poorly of the upcoming movie. Not that I don't have some sympathy for these "anonymous internet thugs." I have had a beef with film critics ever since Roger Ebert ruined the ending of "Dead Poets Society" for me when I was a kid (his justification was that the ending was predictable, so if you were too stupid to see it coming, it was your own damn problem).
But, the reason I bring this up friends, is yes, sadly... JimmyFungus.com recently was attacked by one of these anonymous internet tough guy bullies, and I nearly had to put in place some kind of comment moderation of my own (I hope I will never have to do this).
I may not be Batman, but using the sophisticated technologies available to me, combined with the fact that the perpetrator apparently has the IQ of a poorly fermented pickle, I was able to pinpoint exactly where the comments had come from in less than 2 minutes.
Despite this supposedly anonymous bully's obvious stupidity, he seems to fancy himself as an "intellectual." For the comments were written in a style of speech one would hear Helena Bonham Carter using on an episode of "Masterpiece Theater", only in this episode of "Masterpiece Theater" Helena Bonham Carter plays a prostitute in one of King Henry VIII's brothels (if that would even be historically accurate, cut me some slack on that), for his comments were laced with obscenities, expletives, and pornographic references. Worse yet, this bumbling buffoon then attempted to impersonate me, again using the anonymous function, and responding to his own idiotic comments, but then signing my name (I have read that talking to yourself makes you smarter, but clearly not in this guy's case). Ok, first of all, my readers are some of the savviest, and most intelligent people on the face of the earth. They know I wouldn't use the anonymous function to reply to comments on my own website. Secondly, they know I don't talk like a member of Fagin's gang from an off Broadway re-adaptation of the musical version of "Oliver Twist", as this drooling dumb ass wrote his comments to sound like.
|"YOU'RE BANNED" (via lolz.ar)|
So, Mr. Supposedly Anonymous Online Thug..., YOU ARE BANNED...BANNED!!...from JimmyFungus.com for life!!
Also, this knucklehead has been playing the same game on blogs all across the internets, and has probably been doing this for some time. I don't know if it is his lame attempt at trying to be funny, or a round about way of spamming some pornographic websites...but here good sir, allow me to assist you...
I recommend this link to help you with your pornography addiction Jospeh Prince - Breaking Porn Addiction Through Grace , and for your more serious problem of not being funny, I recommend one of my articles here Why is Ron Burgundy funny? (another mystery of the universe unraveled).
Uhh, yeah..so how does one carry on in a world where there are so many naysayers, just ready to fling their smelly, rotten turds at you, for no other reason than for their own stinkin' amusement? How does one live brightly, in a world of darkness? No one knows. No, there is actually someone who knows: Lord Picklejar, (the arch duke of Hell in the service of Satan).
|Lord Picklejar: "HAIL SATAN!"|
Watch Lord Picklejar's eyes at the beginning of this video. Wouldn't he be a great boyfriend for Overly Attached Girlfriend girl?? (I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin.)
|I screwed you all... but thanks for blaming it on the black guy. ~ George W. Bush meme|
Wellllll, kids... I really try to avoid taking sides on a lot of these political things, because I like to remain an objective investigative journalist, so I will just post what HuffPost user TheKurgan said about it...which I think, pretty well sums it up!
|"Getting George W. Bush to expound on the econmy is like asking Napoleon Dynamite to dscover the Higgs Boson," TheKurgan.|
|"We don't have books anymore. We have Spiderman," George W. Bush. (No, just kidding! He didn't really say that. I don't think.)|
As per usual, we play ourselves out with a song. It's "Goodbye", the last song on Elton John's legendary album "Madman Across the Water", but it's an unusual version of this song. Luckily it was posted by youtube user CrazyWater so we could all hear it...
I'm sorry, I took your time... I am the poem that doesn't rhyme... Once again, thank you all, and please remember to support your local zoo.
Stay classy, Chicago.