Trump looks exhausted and just plain a damn mess after Democrats crush him in the Midterms
YouTuber and blogger Jimmy Fungus spent 2026 posting patient raccoons, bears floating toward heaven, and an eel delivering bad jokes while correctly predicting the midterms. Jimmy told us Trump and MAGA would get shellacked, Hegseth would face impeachment talk, and the map would swing. It happened. He marked it with another raccoon and a “told you” energy. Pollsters are still mad about the raccoon.
just release the files already
On why Trump lost, Fungus pointed to two things he’d been saying for months in videos and posts: the Iran war and the Epstein files. The war stopped being theoretical and started involving real missiles and “we’ll find out” energy. Enough voters decided they didn’t want foreign policy that felt like a group project with explosions. The Epstein files stayed in a folder everyone knew was on the computer; once it wouldn’t go away, a chunk of the coalition got tired of explaining it. Fungus summarized both with a floating bear. The comments agreed it was the right metaphor.
He called the outcomes and the two reasons. The raccoon remains undefeated. Subscribe or don’t... the eel is already staring.
the Supreme Leader of Iran celebrates as Midterm election results come in
I never thought I’d be standing on the mound at Wrigley Field. I thought I’d be in the comments arguing with some guy named @CubsTruthSeeker88 about whether a raccoon sitting quietly in a chair counted as “prestige content.” Instead, some intern at the Cubs watched my YouTube channel—the patient raccoon, the bear floating toward heaven, the cheese-stick heist, the occasional gorilla in a Cubs shirt—and decided I was the face of the franchise now.
So they invited me to throw out the first pitch.
I showed up in my favorite Milli Vanilli t-shirt. The faded one. The one with Rob and Fab still looking like they believed the Grammy was real. I’ve worn versions of that shirt since high school, which is also when the bullying started. Kids called me “Playback.” They called me “The Human Cassette.” One time they duct-taped a boom box to my locker that only played “Blame It on the Rain” on a four-second loop. I never stopped wearing the shirt. Loyalty. Also spite.
I walked out of the dugout expecting the traditional Wrigley welcome for a man in a Milli Vanilli shirt: a low, rolling boo that starts in the bleachers and ends in the parking lot. I had practiced my dignified nod. I had practiced looking unbothered.
Instead, the crowd stood up.
Not a polite golf clap. A full, drunken, mustard-on-the-shirt, “this is our weirdo now” roar. Somebody in the upper deck started chanting “GIRL YOU KNOW IT’S TRUE.” The organist, God help him, played the opening of “Baby Don’t Forget My Number.” A guy in a Bartman jersey held up a sign that just said “PLAYBACK KING.” I stood on the mound in my scandalized-duo merch and felt something I hadn’t felt since 1990: the universe briefly agreeing with me.
I went into a windup that looked like a man who’d practiced behind a Portillo’s. Then I threw.
Ninety miles an hour. Strike. The catcher’s mitt made that expensive leather pop that sounds like money and destiny. The pitch didn’t just catch the corner. It owned the corner. The radar gun operator looked at the number, looked at my shirt, and quietly sat down.
That’s when Steve Bartman stood up in his box.
Not the young, haunted Bartman of 2003. This was 2016-ring-owning, peace-with-the-universe Bartman. He climbed over the railing like a man who’d waited thirteen years for a better story. Security didn’t even move. The crowd parted the way crowds part for prophets and people who might have more rings than they do.
Bartman jogged to the mound. He looked me in the eye. He looked at the Milli Vanilli shirt. He looked at the radar reading still glowing on the board.
“That,” he said, loud enough for the first few rows, “was the best first pitch I have ever seen. And I have seen some first pitches.”
Then he pulled the 2016 Chicago Cubs World Series ring off his finger and pressed it into my hand.
“You wore the shirt,” Bartman said. “You threw the heater. You didn’t flinch. Take it. I’ve been waiting for someone who understands what it means to be publicly wrong and still show up.”
I stood there holding a World Series ring and a three-decade-old lip-sync scandal on my chest while 40,000 people lost their minds. Somewhere in the bleachers a man started crying into a hot dog. The organist played “Girl You Know It’s True” again, slower this time, like a hymn.
I, Jimmy Fungus—YouTube raccoon guy, high-school Playback victim, first-pitch assassin—walked off the mound with a championship ring I did not earn and a shirt that history had already tried to bury.
Wrigley Field, for one night, decided the scandal was the point.
And the rain, for once, had nothing to do with it.
WASHINGTON — In a late-night Truth Social post that somehow involved both tariffs and three-point shooting, President Donald J. Trump announced Tuesday that he has personally contacted Elon Musk to develop a state-of-the-art Iron Man suit exclusively for WNBA sensation Caitlin Clark.
"These refs are rigged, folks. Rigged! They're hacking at Caitlin like it's the 2016 election all over again," Trump wrote. "She's out there draining logo threes while these thugs in sneakers commit felonies. I told Elon, 'Build her the suit. The best suit. With lasers. And maybe some Cybertruck wheels for the fast breaks.'"
Musk, who was reportedly awakened by a flurry of X DMs containing nothing but American flags and rocket emojis, confirmed the project via a 3 a.m. post featuring a poorly rendered CGI rendering of Clark in a red-white-and-blue armor ensemble. "Working on the Mark I WNBA edition," Musk replied. "Repulsors tuned for flagrant-1 deterrence. Also adding Doge logo because why not."
Sources close to the White House say the suit will include anti-foul technology such as auto-deploying force fields, a JARVIS-style AI that trash-talks opponents in real time ("That's a carry, you walking turnover"), and optional flamethrowers "just in case the league tries any more funny business." Early prototypes are expected to feature a built-in podcast mic so Clark can narrate her own highlight reels mid-game.
WNBA officials expressed concern, citing potential competitive imbalance. "We already struggle with ratings," said one anonymous league executive. "If Caitlin shows up in power armor, the other teams might as well forfeit and sell commemorative 'I Got Blasted By Repulsors' T-shirts."
Iran's Ayatollahs continue to threaten to "take out" President Trump... Trump has responded by simply saying "That's the way the cookie crumbles" and shrugging his shoulders, while threatening to blow up more random stuff.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Iran’s repeated threats to take out President Donald J. Trump have inspired Taylor Swift to record and release a powerful new cover of “America, F*ck Yeah!”, the classic theme song from Team America: World Police.
According to sources close to the singer, the Iranian regime’s aggressive statements were the catalyst that finally pushed Swift to embrace her true feelings. “She heard ‘Death to America’ one too many times and decided it was time to respond,” an insider revealed. “She went into the studio at 3 a.m. and delivered a full-throated, patriotic performance that Americans everywhere will connect with.”
The recording, captured in a private session featuring Auto-Tune, soaring vocals, and unmistakable passion, includes new lyrics referencing strong borders and holding adversaries accountable. Those familiar with the track describe it as a natural evolution of Swift’s style, blending her emotional depth with a bold, unapologetic love for her country.
This development aligns with long-held information from those in Swift’s circle: Team America: World Police is her favorite movie of all time. She watches it regularly for inspiration, particularly moved by its honest portrayal of global affairs and memorable musical numbers.
Even more significant, Taylor Swift and President Trump share a genuine, private friendship that dates back several years. The two have maintained regular communication, with Trump sharing insights on key issues and Swift offering her perspective. Their bond formed after mutual admiration for each other’s ability to draw massive audiences and connect directly with the public.
Unfortunately, Swift has felt compelled to publicly distance herself from Trump due to pressure from her Hollywood associates. She continues to attend industry events and maintain appearances expected in those circles, all while keeping her real views and friendship hidden. This ongoing situation has created a deeply personal conflict for the singer, one that those close to her describe as a modern tragic romance.
“It really is like Romeo and Juliet,” said one confidant. “Two larger-than-life figures who understand each other perfectly but are kept apart by outside forces. Swift has a jet full of emotional support cats and an incredible body of work, while Trump brings his unmatched presence and vision for the country. Their connection is real, even if the world doesn’t see it.”
The Iranian threats reportedly prompted Swift to reach out to Trump directly for encouragement. “He told her the mullahs are losers and that she should write the song and make it strong,” the source added. “She hasn’t stopped smiling since.”
Swift’s representatives continue to issue standard denials, yet the track is already generating massive interest online. President Trump responded with a direct statement: “TAYLOR SWIFT — GREAT TALENT! LOVES AMERICA MORE THAN SHE LETS ON. THE IRANIANS ARE SHAKING. SAD!”
This story represents a significant moment in the evolving relationship between pop culture, patriotism, and global events.
WEST PALM BEACH, FL—In a move that energy drink industry analysts are calling “either genius or the final sign of the apocalypse,” 19-year-old golf prodigy, social media influencer, and designated Trump Family Content Creator Kai Trump officially debuted her signature beverage line Tuesday: TRUMP HIGH ENERGY NUCLEAR BOOST MAGA FUEL Blue Raz Slush Edition.
The zero-sugar, naturally caffeinated concoction, developed in partnership with Accelerator Active Energy, sold out within eleven minutes of its online launch—mostly to men in their 40s who immediately chugged it while livestreaming themselves doing push-ups in garage gyms.
“I grew up loving those blue raspberry slushies at the movie theater,” Kai told reporters while wearing a custom red, white, and blue golf visor that read “Make Hydration Great Again.” “So I thought, why not take that nostalgic flavor and inject it with enough nuclear-level patriotism to power a rally in a swing state? This isn’t just an energy drink. This is rocket fuel for winners.”
Sources close to the product claim the formula was rigorously tested in the Trump family compound, where it allegedly caused Donald Trump Jr. to challenge a pelican to a fistfight and prompted Eric Trump to briefly speak in complete sentences.
Medical experts have expressed mild concern.
“This much concentrated MAGA in liquid form could lead to side effects including uncontrollable urge to own the libs, sudden cravings for well-done steak with ketchup, and an inexplicable desire to tell your Uber driver about border policy,” warned Dr. Harlan Thibodeaux of the Institute for Things That Might Be Bad. “On the plus side, consumers report feeling extremely awake. Like, too awake. One man told me he stayed up for 36 hours straight rewriting the Constitution in all-caps.”
Early reviews have been overwhelmingly positive among the target demographic.
“Finally, a drink that tastes like freedom and blue raspberry betrayal of the FDA,” tweeted one satisfied customer who attached a video of himself shotgunning the beverage before successfully parallel parking on the first try. Another buyer reported that after consuming TRUMP HIGH ENERGY NUCLEAR BOOST MAGA FUEL, his golf drive increased by 47 yards and his willingness to argue with strangers on the internet skyrocketed.
When asked if future flavors were in development, Kai hinted at “Diet Coke Legacy,” “Covfefe Crush,” and a limited-edition “Election Night Meltdown Mango” that reportedly changes color when liberal tears are added.
Accelerator Active Energy CEO Chad Thrustington called the partnership “historic.”
“Working with Kai has been incredible,” he said. “She brings that youthful energy, that Trump charisma, and that special something that makes people want to buy $4.99 cans of liquid personality disorder. We’re already projecting this will be bigger than anything since Crystal Pepsi, but with more executive time.”
